that shirt you're wearing that says "officially single" makes me think you'll be that way for a really long fucking time.
im over her. I got weed and youtube. everything i could ever ask for.
There are rumors he has a square penis....ill do anything though....
vodka and carrot juice, if im gonna drink i at least got my 8 servings of vegetable
The following message is brought to you by IMSOFUCKINGSORRY. Dude I'm really sorry I got you arrested last night. You are allowed to choose a repayment plan from the following options: Money, weed, or a single kick to the balls any time within the next calender months. Repayment outside of the aforementioned options can be negotiated and considered within reason.
This must be what defeat feels like to Tom Brady today. I bet he wishes he could barf up all of his bad decisions from yesterday, too.
As I was brushing his cum out of my hair he looks at me and says "it happens to me all the time."
i asked the cop if we could stop and do a chinese firedrill.... he said no.
Well there is another shower in Nov. So I have three months to figure out how to get some drunk space fucking. May need some of your mead
Tequila ran out around 11 so she let them do body shots of chips and guacamole instead
Finally liberated my Star Trek DVD from my booty call's house. Captain Kirk would be so proud.
He was stoned laying on my bed singing I'm a little tea cup while I took a pregnancy test. Thank god it was negative.
I called you daddy and let you stick things in my butt, I am a damn 11.
We got really excited for country fried steak then we had sex.
Dude we were sitting at my place stoned as fuk then someone knocks on the door and it was my neighbor giving me a huge box of cookie dough. Magic of weed.
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