if it were possible I'd exchange my vagina for a diff one on the black market.
So I am guessing last night was a success we are all accounted for and only 3 of us have hospital bracelets on
I could probably be laying here naked and he'd still be more interested in this thunderstorm
You know you're hung over when the glare from the cream cheese on your bagel is just too bright...
dont know how to tell my grandparents I woke up in a frat house in the wrong town and that's why I can't see them today
I tried to put my heels in the coat check
I'm not a whore anymore. I gave up 90% of my women for you. I'm a 4-5 woman kind of guy now.
They forgot my ranch. They're dead to me.
My kid made a secret wish that you have a baby... Make good choices today!
I'd climb him like a horny MILF spider monkey.
After a beer I realize now I may have shared too much about my obsession with ghosts with my therapist this morning.
I just found a samari sword in the couch. I'm about to take like 5 shots and pretend to be captain jack sparrow
she peed her pants, took them off, the put them back on. but she only put her legs in one hole.
You can accomplish quite a bit with a can do attitude and a well placed ice cube.
You need to go! It’s a midwestern wedding - the single girls out there think life ends at 25 if they don’t have a picket fence and family. That’s when your penis introduces himself
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