I woke up this morning to the buzzer on my oven going off... I cooked fish sticks at 425 degrees for 5 hours last night. my house smells awesome
She wanted to test if her costume allows her to still have sex in it. It does
i went to throw her on my bed and threw her straight in to my bike
Yeah! I got cockblocked by the blizzard last night. Lost girl on way to my apartment. Not a joke
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I wish I could attach your penis to someone I like more than you.
I think it's a friendship ring and the other part is on his cats collar
After a certain point, you just want to make it work. Prove to yourself that you're smarter than the vibrator.
I am just pathetic enough to be sitting on the couch with my cat drinking absinthe and vodka watching moulin rouge. Hello, tuesday night.
I defriended her. I just can't support someone whose profile picture is of their water birth.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Joined a porch party below me by climbing out the window and jumping off the roof. Tonight will be good
So many Oreos I'm regretting this decision already but I'm happy at the same time...The straddle is real
Struggle. Not straddle. I'm not straddling anyone.
I just got the high sucked out of me. Fuck.
I can always count on you to keep my boobs honest
Now the fun stuff starts.
Someone is losing a finger.
He called my IUD an IED, and said that’s why I had bomb pussy.... I didn’t correct him
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