I woke up this morning and I couldn't find my coffeetable. wtf?
just customized my debit card w a pic of me ralphing over the toilet. figure it'll give the bar keep a good cut off est and for shits n giggles when buying my handles at the liqour store
Once you realized you couldn't finish the 30 you started walking down the street and leaving a beer in everyone's mailbox
Listening to Joy Division and applying for Walmart. You get to choose which one is more depressing.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I can't tell if I miss summer or 5 times a day sex more.
I'm pretty sure it all started going downhill last night when they suggested I see how much sambuca I could fit in my mouth
It's official. Hawaii is 100% better when you're stoned.
It would have been the trifecta of dick for her.
Front seat of an Escalade in a limo-service parking lot. That is all.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I want to be your penis for a week.
He has been feeding me cheesecake and candy for breakfast. Naked. For three days. How am I ever going to leave????
no one ever believes me when I try explaining to them that your straight. I'm all like, "yeah that's his girlfriends dress he's stretching out"
It's really life affirming to be at a wedding thinking wow I took your husbands virginity
I just borrowed porn from my middle aged mother. This is what desperate looks like.
like honestly, the vodka had to go somewhere, and your moms soap dispenser just seemed right at the time..
Randomize