He said we were driving the golf cart through the woods screaming 'iceroad truckers' for four hours in the dark
tonight i'm making a christmas tree shaped shot pyramid
So bad news they put a private property sign on the tiger.
Until they install cameras or armed security i'll ride the fuck out of that jungle cat.
my mom just asked me, concerned, if I swallowed.
Do you recall us playing flip cup on your head?
Not rlly sure. Might just drink and sleep. Gotta wake up for my last rabies shot lol
Just got blown in a rental car. I need to get rear ended more often
Won't anyone wonder why I'm mute, bald, and wearing an eye patch?
College is a time for personal growth. Meaning it's time to start using those pickup lines on randos at dive bars.
My nose hurts from that stripper beating me with her tits
I'm giving great sideboob & it's being wasted on my parents.
posting about faith hill is really not helping you get me into your bed
I convinced a shit ton of people I was a russian foreign exchange student to get free drinks. I knew learning those accents would come in handy.
Goddamnit Shari. He's not called Pencil Dick because he's good a sketching...
So... I may have accidentally just sat on a strip of a home waxing kit.. naked... Assistance is definitely needed....