Life lesson: when driving and throwing up, choose a paper bag over plastic. Fuck my life.
Apparently I masturbate in my sleep now.
well, if it werent for her you wouldnt have gotten a handjob in the middle of the bar. so, maybe you should thank her too.
I woke up with my left arm looking like it got mauled by a lion. Oo and she said someone broke her car window.
Just realized these events may be related.
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I'm sitting in the middle of them on his bed, forcing them to watch Brokeback Mountain. I am the best cock blocker ever.
i threw up on the table at the pizza place and peed in her room mates closet. i wouldnt invite me back either
He just "revenge puked" on her kid. I think we'll be leaving soon.
Last time I stayed at my moms my fucking car got set on fire sooo maybe I should think this through.
I'm so prepared to puke on walk of shame tomorrow that I'm putting a toothbrush and toothpaste in my purse the night before. And to think, my dad thought I wouldn't make it in college.
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Hey.. Here's a thought for the evening. There's only two more sleeps until I fuck you so hard my back teeth will convulse.. Here's too Tuesday! Woohooooo
KNEE DEEP IN HOES. SEND HELP.
On the bad side I puked, but on the bright side I puked lettuce which was a new experiance
it will be just like last year but no clogged toilets and more costumes.
Was looking through my phone and saw that drunk me took a tit pic in the Denny's bathroom..
I'm watching Trainwreck with Jeff and realizing that I'm the John Cena in my relationship.