Texts From Last Night · Random Texts

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(813): View more from Florida

mmm... i enjoy making beautiful women smile

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(813): mmm... i enjoy making beautiful women smile http://tfl.nu/5jdq

Replies (6) Good night (1922) Bad night (580)
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(808): View more from Hawaii

I need to stop coming to work sober

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(808): I need to stop coming to work sober http://tfl.nu/5deo

Replies (10) Good night (3378) Bad night (822)
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(847): View more from Illinois

I just heard these 2 kids from flint and Detroit arguing over whose economy is worse... It's really sad what passes for competition in Michigan these days

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(847): I just heard these 2 kids from flint and Detroit arguing over whose economy is worse... It's really sad what passes for competition in Michigan these days http://tfl.nu/mlev

Replies (52) Good night (1029) Bad night (3742)
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(306): View more from Saskatchewan

Is it possible to make a milkshake in a martini shaker or am I gonna need a blender?

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(306): Is it possible to make a milkshake in a martini shaker or am I gonna need a blender? http://tfl.nu/l1y7

Replies (12) Good night (4252) Bad night (1005)
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(714): View more from California

You know you're fucked up when you throw your phone on the roof of the bar to show how good the Otter Box works.

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(714): You know you're fucked up when you throw your phone on the roof of the bar to show how good the Otter Box works. http://tfl.nu/2moz

Replies (10) Good night (2043) Bad night (775)
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(425): View more from Washington

ALERT: Turns out when I'm drunk I turn into a clepto. I just found keys, a ketchup bottle, and sweatshirt in my backpack that don't belong to me. If yours, come collect from me. I'm still drunk in the back of biology lecture.

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(425): ALERT: Turns out when I'm drunk I turn into a clepto. I just found keys, a ketchup bottle, and sweatshirt in my backpack that don't belong to me. If yours, come collect from me. I'm still drunk in the back of biology lecture. http://tfl.nu/ky0p

Replies (4) Good night (2161) Bad night (598)
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(435): View more from Utah

I'm sorry and I love you. One day we're going to live in a whore mansion with our babies and make boys cry.

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(435): I'm sorry and I love you. One day we're going to live in a whore mansion with our babies and make boys cry. http://tfl.nu/g6j9

Replies (6) Good night (1582) Bad night (623)
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(720): View more from Colorado

I feel like I just lived out a children's book called "The Day I Went to Law School Stoned"

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(720): I feel like I just lived out a children's book called "The Day I Went to Law School Stoned" http://tfl.nu/ppef

Replies (4) Good night (1275) Bad night (734)
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(251): View more from Alabama

I'm sure me singing - rather loudly - "fuck me in the back seat" last night didn't help either.

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(251): I'm sure me singing - rather loudly - "fuck me in the back seat" last night didn't help either. http://tfl.nu/mrji

Replies (6) Good night (1297) Bad night (545)
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(603): View more from New Hampshire

Well tech shes born nov 12, but since her head was out on the 11th, she claims both days as her birthday

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(603): Well tech shes born nov 12, but since her head was out on the 11th, she claims both days as her birthday http://tfl.nu/obg3

Replies (10) Good night (1632) Bad night (446)
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(240): View more from Maryland

The number of times I have seen your cock and the number of times I have wanted to see your cock are different!

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(240): The number of times I have seen your cock and the number of times I have wanted to see your cock are different! http://tfl.nu/rsm4

Replies (5) Good night (1167) Bad night (425)
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(631): View more from New York

Nothing bonds a father and daughter like washing her puke off the front steps

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(631): Nothing bonds a father and daughter like washing her puke off the front steps http://tfl.nu/unlw

Replies (2) Good night (375) Bad night (736)
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(614): View more from Ohio

This isn't a because its valentines day booty call, it's a because your cock is phenomenal booty call that happens to be on valentines day..

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(614): This isn't a because its valentines day booty call, it's a because your cock is phenomenal booty call that happens to be on valentines day.. http://tfl.nu/r5zy

Replies (4) Good night (963) Bad night (259)
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(954): View more from Florida

Where are you? Your parents are here. Their flight got in early.

(1-954): View more from Florida

Trashy Tequila Tuesdays. Have them meet me here @ the bar.

(954): View more from Florida

I'm not sending your parents to see you drunk at a gay bar. What kind of boyfriend do you think I am?

(1-954): View more from Florida

A great one. Entertain them i'll be home soon....... I think

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(954): Where are you? Your parents are here. Their flight got in early. (1-954): Trashy Tequila Tuesdays. Have them meet me here @ the bar. (954): I'm not sending your parents to see you drunk at a gay bar. What kind of boyfriend do you think I am? (1-954): A great one. Entertain them i'll be home soon....... I think http://tfl.nu/h7b0

Replies (3) Good night (1332) Bad night (355)
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(218): View more from Minnesota

I'm sad that I feel like I need to temporarily change your name in my phone from Smashley until you have the baby and can be unsober with us again.

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(218): I'm sad that I feel like I need to temporarily change your name in my phone from Smashley until you have the baby and can be unsober with us again. http://tfl.nu/g6kg

Replies (2) Good night (326) Bad night (510)

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