Texts From Last Night

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  (407): View more from Florida

  I'm so fucking centered right now

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  (407): I'm so fucking centered right now http://tfl.nu/fs64
  Replies (3) Good night (1569) Bad night (658)
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  (917): View more from New York City

  i just had sex. the condom broke. we're sleeping in to separate beds. And im in albany

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  (917): i just had sex. the condom broke. we're sleeping in to separate beds. And im in albany http://tfl.nu/9r3u
  Replies (22) Good night (657) Bad night (2593)
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  (262): View more from Wisconsin

  So I was throwing up in this fancy toilet at a party last night, when he decided it would be funny to flush it. It was a beday. I had to walk out with toilet water and regurgitated rumpleminze all over my face and shirt.

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  (262): So I was throwing up in this fancy toilet at a party last night, when he decided it would be funny to flush it. It was a beday. I had to walk out with toilet water and regurgitated rumpleminze all over my face and shirt. http://tfl.nu/9ocn
  Replies (24) Good night (719) Bad night (5274)
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  (931): View more from Tennessee

  Now I'm watching The History of Sex on the History Channel. They're talking about how repressed the 30s were. I think I understand why grandma is such an angry person.

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  (931): Now I'm watching The History of Sex on the History Channel. They're talking about how repressed the 30s were. I think I understand why grandma is such an angry person. http://tfl.nu/od1c
  Replies (46) Good night (7156) Bad night (1000)
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  (612): View more from Minnesota

  the EMT asked how you broke your nose and you said, "you know, the usual wear and tear."

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  (612): the EMT asked how you broke your nose and you said, "you know, the usual wear and tear." http://tfl.nu/uaxy
  Replies (19) Good night (9471) Bad night (1115)
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  (586): View more from Michigan

  there should be laws that require people like to me to be on birth control.

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  (586): there should be laws that require people like to me to be on birth control. http://tfl.nu/uxm4
  Replies (13) Good night (1759) Bad night (3775)
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  (336): View more from North Carolina

  Boobs are also good for catching the vodka gummy bears that miss my mouth

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  (336): Boobs are also good for catching the vodka gummy bears that miss my mouth http://tfl.nu/r0sd
  Replies (8) Good night (1658) Bad night (543)
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  (757): View more from Virginia

  You know in a few years she's gonna look like her mom. So if you're gonna hit that you better do it while she still looks like somebody else.

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  (757): You know in a few years she's gonna look like her mom. So if you're gonna hit that you better do it while she still looks like somebody else. http://tfl.nu/0zf9
  Replies (20) Good night (1196) Bad night (581)
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  (470): View more from Georgia

  My roommate was being an ass so I put everyone's drinks/shots on his tab for the entire night. Then when we left he was telling me how he got out cheaper than last time.

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  (470): My roommate was being an ass so I put everyone's drinks/shots on his tab for the entire night. Then when we left he was telling me how he got out cheaper than last time. http://tfl.nu/utoz
  Replies (6) Good night (1702) Bad night (536)
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  (920): View more from Wisconsin

  He'd pee in it. And since it's PBR I'd have no idea

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  (920): He'd pee in it. And since it's PBR I'd have no idea http://tfl.nu/pad4
  Replies (2) Good night (428) Bad night (717)
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  (360): View more from Washington

  I love birth control. How's that for a Facebook status on valentines day.

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  (360): I love birth control. How's that for a Facebook status on valentines day. http://tfl.nu/9n5p
  Replies (1) Good night (883) Bad night (426)
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  (412): View more from Pennsylvania

  nothing like having plan b for breakfast in a cvs parking lot before ordering this semester's textbooks

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  (412): nothing like having plan b for breakfast in a cvs parking lot before ordering this semester's textbooks http://tfl.nu/mqja
  Replies (1) Good night (368) Bad night (569)
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  (503): View more from Oregon

  Yeah I'd rather get obliterated at home.

  (541): View more from Oregon

  Same here. I'd like to ensure that I won't get pissed on.

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  (503): Yeah I'd rather get obliterated at home. (541): Same here. I'd like to ensure that I won't get pissed on. http://tfl.nu/kn96
  Replies (5) Good night (587) Bad night (428)
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  (352): View more from Florida

  This is the third time my roommate and I have drunkenly hooked up. I'm starting to think she's not as straight as she says she is.

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  (352): This is the third time my roommate and I have drunkenly hooked up. I'm starting to think she's not as straight as she says she is. http://tfl.nu/atl3
  Replies (1) Good night (1292) Bad night (338)
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  (484): View more from Pennsylvania

  I took a 19 year old to a strip club and ended up in a three way. Divorced life might be OK.

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  (484): I took a 19 year old to a strip club and ended up in a three way. Divorced life might be OK. http://tfl.nu/cluw
  Replies (3) Good night (589) Bad night (107)

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