Worst part was I had to fart super bad and didn't want to ruin the room so I farted in a pillow and threw it under the bed.
i was concerned by what you said you would do for a snickers. It wasn't even a Klondike bar.
he told me he expects me to keep the fangs on when i go down on him. presumptuous, yes, but man after my own heart.
She went dumpster diving. Found flourescent light bulbs, carpet samples and $15. We got a bottle of Popov, played star wars and threatened random people with the carpet. Get on our level.
Under no circumstances is it ok to do naked cartwheels in front of anyone. i don't care how much ecstasy you took
There's a lady here with a big bag of dildos. I'm not sure that's appropriate bar baggage but, I like her style
It's like you're a magic genie of bad timing
We bonded over blowjobs and stories of our childhoods. It was beautiful.
No. More. Tequila. Even the hot dog guy felt bad for me and you know that guy has seen some crazy shit.
The security deposit's gone, let's trash this motherfucker
just reached the point where my breast implants paid from themselves in free drinks.
I just referred to our excessive fireball consumption as a team building exercise and everyone in group text agreed.
We're not alcoholics, we're a god damn team.
Let it be known that on this day, the 26th of October, in the year 2016, I successfully put both of his balls in my mouth at once.
If you wanna do actual business call my office. If you’re just looking to get laid you need to up your game
I visited the library for the first time in my college career tonight and I got laid. I think I'm gonna come back...
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