Tell your sister I'm no fool. Or at least romanticize the notion of the fool.
My girlfriend went down on me and as she did she hummed the theme from star wars and pretended my dick was a lightsaber...I'm buying the engagement ring tomorrow
I hate having morals and standards the next morning.
First order of business is dropping my 9 am gym class. I'm sweating pure vodka.
I haven't been "cry when you eat ben and jerrys" high in a while.
Just topless shotgunned a bud light alone. I am about to peer mentor the shit out of these freshmen.
This milkshake tastes better than sex. Priorities, I have them.
cheese fries, coffee, with a side of dry heaving in the bathroom at the diner on campus at 5am. never felt better.
I can't believe you picked a finger in the ass over lunch with me.
I just want someone to shove bread from panera down my throat
How exactly does one go about seducing an older, possibly blind gentleman?
You can't say "my boobs are wonderful" and not expect my drunken subconscious to focus on wanting to see them. Btw-can I see them?
It's gotten to the point that when I close my eyes to cum all I see is candy crush
Found out my grandpa had two wives and found out I'm eligible for some internships 11/10 would do acid again.
college girl with braces trying to flirt with you...time to go
Randomize
