Guys are so much hotter at OU. Come my mating season, I am flying south like the geese in the wintertime.
I thought his dick was headless. then I pulled back the foreskin.
Chinatown. Her fortune cookie said "accept the next proposition you receive." TELL ME NO NOW.
I'm not sure...it could be the pasta I ate from her sink, the dominoes, or just the alcohol. Or a wicked combination of all 3.
Can you explain to me later why there's a pirate hat in my bathtub
It's a sign that no dudes december is about to start: I have a yeast infection.
Don't ask me how, but I have a squirrel in my backpack and I don't know what to do with it.
more embarrassing than that time i showed up to class in my hoodie and leggings because i over slept, and then as i zipped my hoodie down i realized i didn't sleep with a bra on or a shirt
Make the kitchen floor stop waving. Im trying to lay on it
I just read "to infinity and beyond" as "to infidelity and beyond" something is seriously wrong with my psyche
Fine line between drunken accidental sleepover with your best friend's lab partner and gay sexathon. I did a cartwheel over that line. A CARTWHEEL THAT LANDED IN HIS LAP
We need to talk about your improper dealings with the town drug dealer.
Had a dream I went to Disney to visit you and then I got really drunk and puked all over these little kids in line
You would be proud of me, I did not take a dab at work today.
Shes yelled my World of Warcraft name when we were having sex, I think marriage is next.
Randomize
