You don't give head? I'm offended and I don't even have a cock...
Her best guy friend really had a thing for her all along.... Now we're back together and he's gone Dawson's Creek with his away messages.
You covered in salsa con queso would take care of all of my cravings right now
I've been congratulating people on facebook about their forthcoming pregnancies. I can't wait to see how this plays out
I just made out with a girl with a life jacket on wtf is going on
Just took 11th shot of tequila. I may puke in my bear head.
Your drinking has interfered with your drinking. I bet you could get a scholarship to a rehab. Thats pro-level
Plans for halloween need to outrank Caesar, Cleopatra and Mark Antony's threesome...just saying
Two questions for you. Did I throw up last night and did we get food or did I dream that..?
No you never threw up but you did force me to take you to wendy's because you wanted "beef and ketchup"
I was the only one at the party that didn't get their name taken by the police. I'm convinced that I'm the main character of Ferris Bueller's Drunken Adventures.
You fucked two dudes in the same night and still went home to your cats. How does that happen?
I still can't get the taste of her nipples and the udon noodles out of my mouth
You tried to tip the Uber driver with a meatball sub. Then, when he refused your meatball sub...you demanded he take you to the corner with the hookers. The valet has your keys and water balloons. I'm glad you're only in Chicago for the weekend.
BOOOOOOOOOOOO *takes away your hoe card*
we can no longer cook chicken in the house. his name is herbert, we are keeping him and can not eat his people in front of him.
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