I can’t believe the potential orgy I left behind at Waffle House.
Just found the book "How to Stay Christian in College" on my roommates desk. At a loss for words...
Oh this totally just became legit. My "boss" is puking outside my car right now. I win again.
two words: fractured penis. two more: emergency room.
maybe you should start leaving anonymous bottles of booze on his doorstep with love notes attatched. that always gets me.
so i never found you. but i found vodka. so its kinda the same
just wrote a 6 page paper on my blackberry. including 3 sources. college is teaching me good things so far.
"So you think you can dance" turned into "so you think you can run and slide across the bar"...Jack Daniels wins
That ACT prep teacher knew i was hung. I could see it in her eyes.
Yea. It was an issue. Great time though. Apparently I went through the coat check, put my coat on and forgot I had it so I tried to go through again and just didn't understand why thy weren't helping me. Dave coat checked his pants.
I need you to ship me a penis cookie care package.
These flip flops mean I'm casual, but I'm here to fuck.
Free stuff before I even put his balls in my mouth like wow great start
I was high as fuck laying down in the back seat while she gave him head. Most awkward chill moment of my life.
So I come home this morning to get ready for a job interview and there is garlic seasoning all over the hardwood and a knife in the wall. What. the. fuck.
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