she broke up with me and one of her excuses was constant soreness... should I be sad or proud?
So I came home baked last night and made about 60% of my jeans into jorts...
She is chewing on staples and spitting them at her cat, I think it's time to leave..
you goin out tonight?
who is this.
your orgasm for tonight
Dont act like I'm the only one that gets on a plane and picks out the one im gonna have fuck if we have time before the crash
I mean, I can get to know him eventually. The time frame doesn't really matter. I'll have sex with him regardless of whether he's interesting or not.
I'm sorry for not being sorry about whatever shit I did to you when you were annoying and I was drunk. That is all.
Drunk yoga at 11 am turned into me sitting on the couch making fun of the girl in the instructional video. By the way, what the fuck is a third eye?
They got mad when I cut the pizza with an x-acto knife. Oh well, more for me then.
You give an incredible blow job. I wanted to make sure you know it was appreciated
You peed all over his floor and had a bottle popped in your ass when you passed out. Don't tell me I'm "still living in my college days"
I've had your balls on my face a bunch of times so the least you could do is buy a girl some dinner.
Blow Jobs and the Patriots Playing I think I’m going to marry her
I’m calling dibs!
You can’t call dibs on dick. That’s free range dick. May the best vagina win!
I'm too hungover to Google him and try to save face.
Randomize
