dude we gotta go shopping. I made pancakes this afternoon and used them as sandwich bread.
If I die and they 'assume' it's natural causes, just go with it.
we went to sleep in different beds and woke up spooning. alcohol truly is the anti-cockblocker.
This morning my doorman told me it was an accomplishment for me to be standing and conscious after last night.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Take your time, they're doing body shots off the dog.
The handjob she gave me was better than the best blowjob I've ever gotten.. Just imagine the possibilities.
sorry for allegedly lighting the beer pong balls of fire
Getting up is taking longer than anticipated. Alcoholic fish bowls have made getting out of bed a multitstep process.
Why would I send you a picture of it when I could just steal the gnome and put it in your bed with you? Admit it, he looks just like gnomeo!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
By the time the opening band finished, she was already slurring, coming on to the gay couple next to us, and waving her panties in the air.
my make-up looks really good tonight. I swear it had nothing to do with me finishing all of your strawberry vodka.
I woke up in a lawn chair by the lake to some man revving his boat motor at me.
Seriously. Are we going out tonight? If we're not, I'm going to put on sweatpants and do drugs.
Fucking suck it up and drink your feelings like a normal human being.
Vodka Red Bull is like your spinach if you were Popeye
Randomize