Then we started crawling around on the floor because we couldn't get up so decided to be tigers instead. Gotta love power hour.
I just saw two girls throwing up in the bathroom. they were high-fiving under the stall...
Just had sex with a girl from Italy. The only english she knew was Obama campaign slogans. Her screaming, "Yes we can!" as I was railing her not only turned me on but allowed my neighbors to know it was consentual.
just saw 2 fat kids fight for the last slice of pizza. Litteraly fight. God Bless America
THAT WAS PROBABLY MY ONE CHANCE TO SLEEP WITH A MAN NAMED BORIS AND YOU RUINED IT.
I was rolling balls and tried to donate blood as an act of kindness to the sick person who would receive it
I sold weed for gas money to get home. I thought that's what college was for.
I am so excited I do not know how I will sleep.
It's like the Christmas morning of dicks
WAKE UP!!! We have 20 minutes to get to class. That means we only have 10 minutes to get drunk.
I knew it was on when all she had to say about the handcuffs was 'I really hope these adjust tighter!'
It's like the drive of shame on fucking Christmas. Happy birthday Jesus
Comedy Central is in dire need of more sitable faces late at night - Trevor Noah has a baby face - there are federal rules against those types of sexual fantasies
Listen. The next time my first idea in the morning is "hometown buffet and a water bottle full of captain morgan", please make me go back to sleep.
I'm getting reacquainted with drunk me. She has grown up a lot.
Nothing says hangover like being in the doctors office getting a tampon removed from deep inside
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