This dress was meant to end up on your floor
jersey shore has given me a vivid depiction of what things will be like for me once i get to hell
Why did that cocktail waitress get to sleep with Tiger for 2 years, and all I ever got for living in Whorelando for five years is a couple of pictures with Joey Fatone
first off, his name is dougie. strike one.
my greatest accomplishment from the city of diplomacy is that i puked at a table of 5 diplomats and my professor and NONE OF THEM NOTICED
Is YOLO really just a socially acceptable way to say you enjoy putting things up your nose?
All I can think of is a mama duck followed by her baby ducks, in brightly colored track shoes.
How high are you?
also, am i correct in guessing that advertising the size of my hypothetical penis is a turnoff to him?
I just want to braid flowers into his hair and steal all of his pills.
Alex I've come up with a new medical condition. dick depression. it's a real thing and I have it
Chipotle farts are not good for seducing boys.
Can i have the words "she went crazy and never came back" written on my grave?
So I just watched a seagul attack my boss and steal his food in the parking lot. Today might not be a bad day lmfao.
The awkward moment your booty call shows up to the Mexican restaurant and realizes you just picked burritos over pussy
I'm trying to behave my vagina this week so I can at least pretend I'm honoring the sanctity of marriage
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