Is my tampon string too long for this dress?
she's got a whisker from her dead cat taped to the wall. I'm pretty sure that about sums it up...
I just saw the preacher from the church I grew up in while I was buying condoms at the drugstore... he remembered me.
I just smoked a bowl while riding a horse. This has been a productive vacation.
i should not be allowed to orgasm that much in one day.
The dingo escaped by eating a hole through my screen door. It's loose in the city somewhere.
Where are you?! I require drunk, males and possibly crying. Vomiting is optional and/or optimal as is karaoke.
He had a joint rolled for us when he picked me up. It's how ASU does romance
I awoke this morning alone and naked in my bed I forecast my date later not going so well because I have three giant hickies on my neck there is a note next to my bed that looks a 3rd grader wrote it on my college acceptance letter
I'll check it out in the morning. Tonight has been reserved for getting baked and covering myself in kittens because THAT IS AN OPTION.
All hell broke loose. When the police showed up, this kid somehow haggled with a cop to let him pee in public. I'm convinced he could talk the panties off of a nun
Walking out of the bathroom and not knowing you have hand soap on the front of your pants so it looks like you blew a load on yourself really sets the tone for the rest of the week...
In my drunk state I was like I ONLY HAD SEX WITH SOMEONE ELSE BECAUSE HE WAS THE HOTTEST GUY IVE EVER EVEN SEEN
we went to go have morning sex and I said “I was gonna put my mouth on it but you need to shower”#ruinedthemoment
she compared me favorably to her vibrator
which one?
Randomize
