I have had it with that bitchy sack of crazy. Iam done!
I'm not sure if what i'm hearing downstairs is sex or not, but if it is, it sounds like there's a dog involved...i'm mildly concerned.
Learned my lesson. Pink pantydroppers out of a beer bong=deceiving
Everyone in the office is in total denial. I asked my boss what he did this weekend and he said "nothing much." But I know we were both thinking about the orgy.
Safe to say I relapsed into my old chatroulette drunk flashing days.
This chick had a microhand. Fucking, like, jerking off a baby carrot would make it look like corn.
It's okay I missed my booty call by two whole minutes so I decided to delete him from my phone and then re-add him as "I am a douchelord"
I'm basically flying you out for a long weekend of sex and going to the zoo
I'm cool with that
He ran into the surf holding up a cigarette yelling "let the Olympic games begin!" So no, no vodka left.
How do you say happy birthday to someone you fuck occasionally that almost got you arrested? Like what do I text.
Well at least I still have a burrito in my pocket.
Tell the cops to let you through! Tell them you need to do drugs!
Can we talk about how i drunkenly changed the timezone on my phone last night and just showed up to work an hour early
Danny put 5 hr energy in the jungle juice (that brilliant bastard) and I almost showed my penis to Alex. It was a rough night.
I left you a really long drunk voicemail and I remember something about a bat
Randomize
