Memo to self- delete texts about butt sex from you before giving my mom my old phone to use.
So bad night, ended up beating off to porn and eating Keebler elf cookies.... at the same time :-(
she is unbelievable! ever pee on a girl?
not while she was awake
His room was full of guns. It was like having sex with Clint Eastwood.
i can't believe i brushed your teeth last night. so drunk.
there are people swimming in the fountain next to the library... hello senior week
Watching crazy stupid love and drinking alone isn't what I thought it was gonna be
Its TONS better. Expect a drunk dial at 11:54
Thanks for walking over, a conversation about David Bowie's dick as a muppet is exactly what my day was missing.
apparently while i was high i thought that putting a dinosaur temporary tattoo on my inner thigh would keep me from taking my pants off and having sex with him...
...it didn't...
Just got to Evans to buy weed. His mom showed up unannounced. Now the three of us are chillen. Super.
Watching Faye Reagan porn all weekend for St Patty's day. Nothing has ever seemed more appropriate.
On the upside, no one went to the hospital! Lex's friend was definitely on fire at one point last night though because he tried to juggle tiki torches. He was shirtless this morning and smelled like a BBQ.
Currently eating Dominos at the bar high as shit so that's how homework is going
If he comes over I probably get to fuck him and if he doesn't I don't have to pay him the $60 I owe him for weed. It's a win-win situation.
i just got hit by a door and im the one that said im sorry, yeah im drunk.
Randomize
