oh so you have enough money for the third eye blind concert but not enough for the morning after pill?
True or false: I did not bring home a 28 year old last night.
True? Did she teach you things?
She taught me the meaning of awkward goodbyes at 530 am.
I just made $100 from people paying me not to get naked at the party... I need those P90X dvds
Making pb&j crepes. Using corn tortillas. So high. I don't know if I'm offending French people or Mexican people more.
Finally better. I had to use eye makeup remover to get the purple wine stains off my lips
Just face planted the stairs. Apparently Santa brought an extra step while I was at the bar... Fucking dick
To be honest I've become too lazy for the work involved in getting laid.
You run marathons and you're too lazy for sex? Priorities, man.
Touche.
Thank you for the legal advice. I hope I can pay you in blow jobs.
So you're saying you don't want to be with her anymore because she likes sex to much and is just to hot?
Well when you say it that way it makes me sound like an idiot.
You are an idiot.
I'm spending tomorrow doing taxes and making jello shots. Is this adulthood?
He said it wasn't ladylike of me to drink more whiskey than him. I told him to stop being a little bitch.
i just hope we're both dead or in prison at the same time
So you broke your ribs while fucking? Dude you just got about 25% hotter.
you had me at "meet me in the bathroom"
Whose the chick running for dorm president promising bigger dicks and softer toilet paper? That’s who I m voting for
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