If a fat man falls in the shower and nobody is in the apartment, does his pride still hurt? Answer: yes
The drunken tricycle race really added some class to the Tour de Franzia. Until everyone wiped out and started puking.
he called you a drunk bob the builder and you proceeded to explain how you were going to build ramps throughout the house
he broke into my appartment and left me a waffle maker...
I have a cup of vodka in my bathroom with a straw in it. Yes, I am ready for this bikini wax.
Just spent the last 5 minutes laughing at my epipen. i think i'm too high.
by the end of the night two people were passed out at the table, three on the couches, and one in the bathroom. it looked like someone pumped sleeping gas into the middle of a dinner party.
I'm sorry but that single bed couldn't hold all five of us, especially with those boobs.
Fire alarms went off at reception of gay wedding im at. We all had to evacuate until FD got here. Then...ill just text the photos.
I feel that the drunker I get, the drunker Facebook gets.
Bitch, it's 2 in the afternoon.
My boobs love her too. She makes them feel important even though they're small
There is this threesome scene that is literally 10 minutes of straight fucking
Omg so it's educational?
that almost beats the chick I saw smoking a joint while uni-cycling past my house at 4am. Almost.
I just thought you should know.... I am fully committed to being a ho this summer
Stupid adulating
Yeah it sucks, but at least I can buy wine so it all comes out in the wash
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