I think my favourite thing about cubicles is the fact that I can pick my nose at work
What can I expect? While all of my friends are getting married, all of his friends are tripping on robitussin
He like poked it twice with the tip of his tongue then left it alone. I'm sad.
literally followed a trail of condoms to the bus stop this morning. Ahh modern-day bread crumbs
There's a sign at Bashas for 30% off of 6 bottles of wine in Friday. That seems like a personal challenge.
No, but its not like diarrhea. i swear its like my intestines had a secret bank account and i just punched in the right pin.
honestly, i'm just crying in the kitchen naked and eating salsa
There is a literally infinite number of spliffs going around this table.
Delicious
I feel like I'm at a sushi bar with a spliff belt.
Road trip to buy me a baby zebra..are you in or are you in?
For future reference "bring our litter sisters on our date day" is not such a good idea
I told the emergency room nurse I didn't want to stop and ruin the moment. She said safewords are there for a reason. Super condescending. Got her number though.
Turns out it's a fake number.
Actually, lets be honest. I will probably keep calling him the pastor because it brings me joy using pastor and fuck buddy in the same sentence.
Well. I had to explain to my niece that the word cunt is not an abbreviation for country. I'm the best aunt in the world.
Also, asking the guy who just told you he is crippled on edibles to watch your kid is probably frowned upon by most
Drunk me made cabbage burritos at 1am after going to hustler hollywood.\nI bought socks. Lol
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