I could have mohawked her pubes.
if you made me into a cookie and threw me into a betty crocker easy bake oven on christmas morning...that's how baked i am
You say "arrested with two drunk girls" like it's a bad thing....
I just woke up with the words DO IT on my hand and six beers in my purse.
bad to tell him im pregnant over fbook chat?
i feel like god sat there all night pointing and laughing at me
porn star boner night. come get it.
Can I have my ID back now or are you using it to crossdress again?
Im only pretending to be his friend so I can sleep with his girlfriend.
And for some reason I was covered in ants... So your probably covered in ants as well
I will always remember that night by waking up in that tablecloth the next morning
I said you have to fuck the german guy and take one for the team...it's a once in a lifetime opportunity you know.
No. I'm laying on the floor naked. I almost made it to the shower
This could be the definition of living by yourself
Oh, fuck yeah. I swear I came with every bite. Not even joking. Messiest meal ever.
Wow, thanks for ruining pizza for me. I didn't think it was possible.
this poor kid thinks hes going to have his first time with both of us
Randomize
