Seeya bye Latvian government! Whammy!
I havent dry-humped that much since freshmen year. Forgot how good it doesnt feel.
my dealer just handed me my weed in a pink easter egg
I can't wait until weight watchers comes out with a beer
he kept telling me that god made these magical balloons called condoms
He was uncircumcised
It was like inception. A penis within a penis within a penis
She thinks I come over for the sex, but I really come for the snacks.
No worries. On my way home to get ski poles and wipe the sick off my face. Then it's time to get drunk in the park
direct quote from andrew "you know i can't hear when i drink whiskey"
"Do You Wanna Build a Snowman" came on while I was riding his dick. I had to take a moment.
It's the warm chocolate goeyness of a brownie combined with the heavenly taste of weed-smell... Why have I never done this before?
then a garbage truck rolls up to the club, they hop out, and walk right in like they own the place
Can I just say how funny it is that your "respect" tattoo is right above the bruise from me slapping your ass
Oh yeah, nothing says welcome home like walking in on your parents having sex on your bed while the dog is watching, they told me to wait until they were done...
Thanks for loaning me your shower and panties. My hubby is awesome, but I shouldn’t go home commando, smelling like lube and sperm again
Randomize
