The maid of honor just puked.
matts gf stood and watched my naked ass gather my clothes off his floor this morning. sweet.
I want Jason Statham to talk British to my vagina.
I was dancing barefoot on glass at one point. That really sobered me up.
i'm sorry, but my penis isnt the solution to your problems
Just realized how many men I've had sex with for the first time in St. Patty's Day past. Currently sending "HAPPY SEXIVERSARY" texts...
I am fine. Katie thinkr i broke things pole dancing. I am coherant.
idk. I was on the deck with Dominic and i felt something weird on my arm. I looked down and you were licking my elbow.
I guess I realized I had a problem when I ordered 4 shots and told the bar wench to pour them all into 1 glass
Someone left their drag queen on my couch. On the plus side, he sure does know how to make a mean cup of coffee.
Why is there a muffler in the livingroom?
First, I just want to say that I had nothing to do with it. Second, how good is your car insurance?
I agree and I would be an awesome dog
When I finally came to, I was in the DJ booth wearing his headphones while he was spinning. That's all I got.
I'm only texting you this bc god forbid circumstances change when you wake up but currently santa is asleep on top of the washer and dryer.
I got snowed in at my parent's. everyone's asleep so I'm smoking a joint in my old room and watching Tarzan on a 12" tv.
They must be so glad to have you home...
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