We just took shots out of seashells. Welcome spring break 10.
just stole 2 cases of forties from some freshman in the woods by pretending to be a cop. that ten dollar spotlight is really turning a profit
It took years to rebuild my brains forcefield against your charm and I feel like u seal team 6'd ur way in again and caught my common sense sleeping on post
Sometimes familiar penis is best. Its like comfort food for your vagina.
You can cross "give someone a blow job while playing Colors of the Wind" off my bucket list.
the only thing you and i have in common is the we like weed and looking at my naked body.
So I get to my parents and walk in the door so my mom knows I'm safe and alive and my grandpa looks at me and says "were you being someone's bitch". And I about died of laughter
Wow, he seems so solid
Dinner at my parents is vodka, lemonade, cheese ad crackers. Why would I leave?
Why is your solution always to masturbate
Because it usually works
they saw the dick pic he sent and started calling him 'subway'
i just realized... if i ever hook up with someone on my bed, we'll be fucking atop my animated batman themed bedset.
I don't intentionally mean to ruin relationships for personal gain but. Yeah nah I totally do.
I gave him the white girl "you spilled my psl look" and walked away
it's like the easy bake oven version of plastic surgery
Our sex sesh was interrupted by a bunch of hobos fighting outside his apartment.
Randomize
