chick flicks and taylor swift songs are like porn for desperate singles
Hard to imagine a reason apart from blow jobs that I'm awake at 530 am.
im at that stage where all she has to do is cough or something and it pisses me off
I'm taking this break up pretty rough.. I've never been to sad to masturbate.
When the cops came you just told them you'd go to your time out corner.
We simultaneously blacked out then simultaneously came to then simultaneously had sex with the neighbors. We're definitely meant to be roommates.
At what point in my life did a night that has strippers, belly dancers, tequila and a midget become "average"?
Like, actually questioning if you ate dog shit last night
I'm gonna rob all up in that cradle
I don't understand why she gets annoyed by my drunk texts. It means she's who I'm thinking about even when my brain isn't functioning properly.
You wanna get laid? Be a female for once and stop bending nails to impress guys.
It's like my life is one of those movies where after a bunch of outlandish events that only happen in a movie the girl realizes her true life calling and lives a great life with a sexy man of multiple races. But I'm stuck in the fucked up part where 25 year olds come in their pants.
I'm gonna buy my dress an hour before wedding. You know, just to make sure it's gonna really happen.
T'would be a shame to waste that open bar though. They shouldn't do that to us. We've been having to pretend we're happy for two people who got engaged a week after they met.
Not sure if creeper guy is too drunk to talk or I'm too high to listen.
He got in a fight. Then called me drunk to see if he should bail his friends out, or walk through a Taco Bell drive-thru. True love.
Randomize
