She got kicked off the plane and spent the last four hours in a holding cell with the feds.
but she's really nice
you dont know how to answer ppls txts anymore?!?
im sorry, i don't get text messages.
you really need to stop walk of shaming home from theme parties.
32 messages asking me to suck his dick. And there for a minute i thought i was desperate. ha!
Hahahaha
make that 40.
Important detail I forgot to tell you: leprechaun loves david bowie.
Just smoked a bowl with the exterminator. I think my day is more productive.
so are you any less fat since you started doing blow?
I'm seriously gonna die surrounded by a million cats and an unbroken hymen
This whole night would have been avoided if the liquor store had air heads
Dont forget about the tuna sandwich behind your TV
It was like being fucked by the god of thunder, he gained power from the storm. I took a Plan B because I don't think regular birth control will stop Thor's sperm.
honestly i just want a cigarette and someone to go down on me... are you interested in helping with either of those
Also, I've found a new way to get drunk at work for free. Everytime I make a bushwhacker and there's extra... I put it in a cup. Its the Never ending drink.
My dream date: Hotdogs/nachos from the bar & tequila. Is that too much to ask?
did you just describe your masturbation session as "rad af??"
Randomize
