I just had to sit down with an 11 year old who threatened to dick slap a girl.
I did the walk of shame to another booty call
I don't think that should turn me on, but it does
somethin' about having sex in my parents bed makes me feel like l'm finally an adult.
last time i saw her she was begging the broken jukebox to play lady gaga.
I just accidentally stumbled into an AA meeting...I think its a sign
We made out for three hours. Then she said she didn't sleep with redheads and left the party. So yes, I'm still drinking.
I bought you a small gift as a preemptive apology for being a drunken slut tonight.
My dad just decided to play wingman for me... I dont want to let the family down... but both these girls are hideous
he just sent me a picture of his penis sticking through a piece of paper that he had drawn a stick figure with tits on it that said "you"
He said I could pay him back in blow jobs. What's the going rate for those these days?
She seems less like a roommate, and more like a homeless person who snuck into your apartment.
stop fucking thinking about him when there is A MILLION OTHER PENISES TO RIDE IN THE WORLD
I don't think I have face palmed that many times in such a short period. And I've worked tech support.
Would you think less of me if I were eating pizza on the toilet right now?
I didn't realize how much I relied on you for a reason to drink on tuesday
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