just saw Chris Hanson on the street. looked immediately around for video cameras. why is that my immediate reaction?
Sometimes I wish there were a little bird hiding that would periodically go, "creep-per."
Mowing drunk should be an olympic sport...
I don't think requesting him as a BBM contact is proper protocol following vomming in his bed.
look for us when you get to the club. we're the guys wearing snorkels.
She just came to my house, with puke in her hair, to wake up my dad and scream "happy fathers day you DILF!" at the top of her lungs
I offered you a bag but you said "I gotta break in the new carpet" and you puked all over the floor
I cartwheeled across every street... They tried to stop me but I bit anyone who came near me
well apparently i was just calling everyone cunts. then i awoke from my blackout to 3 very mad roommates who didn't bring a key out with them
Also, my phone suggested the phrase “puke in the mailbox" how many times have I had the need to text that to people?
Officially crunch time. It's my last year of grad school and I've yet to get blown in a school library. The parking garage was less than a block away though.
The alcohol tastes like we did a beer run at the nail salon
I started screaming "MY PARENTS ARE MORMON" at a stranger and promptly proceeded to run into a wall. How do you think it went?
It was sweet, he carried me out of my bathroom after I passed out, built me a pillow fort so I wouldn't roll out of bed, set a glass of water on the table, and brought me a mixing bowl to puke in. Totally a sign we're more than just fuckbuddies.
If you ever get divorced...would you call me??
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