the last time I saw her she was leaving the mens bathroom and club rush with her dress inside out. typical tease.
So i'm in mason getting an ultrasound.. and there are a bunch of hicks in here with their wild ass children and this one young mom yells at her kid "harley sit!"
You should introduce yourself as garth. As in garth brooks.
This fat girl in front of me just got on the bus to go 2 blocks. Do you think she ever wonders why shes fat?
You need Jesus like Tony Danza needs another hit show.
i just found an uncooked ramen noodle in my underwear
will you please explain to me as to why or how i have a dirtbike tread looking bruise on my back?
Wait. Did you let me snort wine last night cause I wanted to smell jesus's blood?
Yes. I have pictures. Your soul is mine.
LET US USE OUR GENITALS TO CELEBRATE THIS VICTORY
Someone put a huge skyy vodka bottle in our washing machine. My roommate didn't see it and ran it. The washing machine split in two. #life
I woke up with a dick pic from the ex-Mormon via email. Not really what I wanted to see before my first cup of coffee this morning, but I gotta say, I'm impressed.
Hey man, when I left for work she was laying on the couch naked cuddling your keurig, can you clean that mess up?
Well there's a microwave in my yard now too. I fucking Bruce/Caitlyn Jennered decathloned that bitch.
Let's make a rule now, to not smoke weed out of our trumpets. After tonight.
He woke up and decided to go for a swim in the lake... At about 3am... With his dogs
My Dachshund waddled into the room carrying a rolled-up pad in her mouth with period blood. This day is clearly off to a good start.
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