Your fb status are always so intriguing.. Often make me picture you naked
I know it may not be fiscally responsible to pregame fifty cent night, but I'm gonna go ahead and do it anyway.
if we break up, blackout me is coming back, making out with everything in sight
Making jello shots drunk, i apologize ahead of time if they are too strong Can't taste anything.
I left boob prints on the hood of his car. Something to remember me by.
You called your ex's vag an "AIDS Pinata". Drunk You is the Hulk Hogan of insults.
There was a reason God said "Let there be titties" on the Fifth Day.
I woke up sandwiched between them, all of us naked, and they were just sharing a cigarette, a donut, and the paper like it was just some normal post-threesome Sunday brunch.
She answered the door wearing a basket, said it was the only clean thing she had.
He serenaded me a cappella to Ed Sheeran. I wasn't going to leave his dick unsucked.
We have a great relationship based on communication, sex, and mutual loathing.
Puked in my purse on my Uber ride home last night. Safe to say it's not a good idea to beer bong a whole bottle of wine.
Haha do not judge my life style choices right now but me and Dj had sex twice and then he helped me pick an outfit out for my date
where the fuck are you? she just tazed two people and we're tripping shrooms...successful first night in new apartment!
Must lick fork, like it's a DICK
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