we are at a mexican restaurant and the tv is playing mexican porn. dad won't stop watching.
I got us kicked out of the bar because the waitress found me in the kitchen trying to make spaghetti
He was from Iceland of course I didnt sleep with him, havent you seen Mighty Ducks 2???
I replied to the university automated mass text about the armed robbery at the on-campus Starbucks with a sad face. Basically sums up my night.
tonight i'm going for the "i fuck with the lights on" look
You would not believe how incredibly hard it is to climb on top of a three story apartment buildings roof from the air conditioning unit
STD scares really help you understand the whole six degrees of separation thing...
Lucas & I had a photo shoot with her cape & I had child arm floaties on most the night.. woke up in a spiderman bed
After she asked if she could try to fit her toe ring around it, i decided to leave. Thats the life i live
Honestly I'm so excited to go to bed I feel as if I don't deserve to be in my early twenties.
I think the moment I knew you were going to black out was when I told you how many shots you had already and you were shocked and then poured another one
How is it possible that I'm still a virgin and you've managed to have sex in a cheetah print onesie TWICE
You attempted what you called the "Long Island Heist", in which you shoved a half glass of Long Island down your pants and asked me to help you sneak it out. That drunk.
I am drunkenly riding a razor scooter up and down the hills of Cincinnati
What in the fuck are you doing with your life
I see more hoeing in ur future
Randomize
