Pregnant stripper...not hot.
he's making romantic advances towards me. and he has a pet snake. 2nd part not relevant, but interesting.
She left me a voicemail too. It's just her moaning her name repeatedly
smoking a bowl while I'm peeing. i love having a big dick.
i can't believe you just compared my dick to leprosy
The first aid guy just told us to go get hammered...I'm taking his advice
But here's the wonderful thing about us. It's us. You could invite me over, get really wasted and end up sleeping with someone else and id be there in the morning to take you to breakfast.
Ended up getting hot boxed in a limo with a bunch of asians going to a karaoke bar. I think I pretended to understand their language for a solid hour. Am I bilingual now?
Is it weird to say that Kobe reminds me of a wise brontosaurus?
Ways to ruin a one night stand: the guy finds your parenting magazine on your dorm room desk.
I was just the victim of a drive by judging in a horse and buggy.
The fuck? Where?
St. Mary's. Amish people. Too high for this.
I made out with a guy who was dressed as Borat
And like a minute in, I was like oh fuck what am I doing
Did you run away?
I DANCED AWAY.
Steve watched craig and I have sex from the top level of his cat tower this morning.
So I can officially say that someone has licked whipped cream off my nipples. Go senior year
I guess you know it was a good night when you find your ripped underwear in your pocket, and a nerf bullet falls out of your pant leg 😂😂
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