When i light up a cigarette people look at of like i'm going to pee on their children.
He told me to fart on his lap because the vibrations turned him on
well when mom kept referring to my "black hole of a vagina" and how i devoured all the nuts at the party like i was a pro, i figured my stay was up.
Although, to be fair, I am both willing and going to lick marshmallow fluff off of your dick.
When boys buy condoms it makes me feel proud of their mothers for doing a good job
I just listened to "Eye of the Tiger" and did 5 shots to prep going over to see him.
I have no idea. But I feel like I could climb a mountain and then have sex on it.
Seriously? You DON'T remember putting all those Swedish fish in the waffle iron b/c you wanted "One big Swedish fish?" That waffle iron was a wedding gift.
I believe you would have been proud of me last night.. I was chasin Fireball shots with Jack and Coke. Guess there's a reason they call me Whiskey Woman.
The name of the man in your bed is not Ryan. I can't remember what his name is but that is wrong
I can't open my mouth wide enough to make full use of this snapchate update
My v day was great. There's a cum stain in the shape of a handprint on my sheets
That went from 0 to lesbian orgy much faster than expected...
So adding to the list of things my boobs can do, sweeping with a broom is apparently a thing.
Get your heels and tits on! I’m not wasting a Brazilian because his fucking kid ate paste or Legos and ruined an afternoon suite sex and room service
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