Say "Steve Buscemi is hot." with a straight face.
i just posted a lake picture of you with a dead fish in your mouth. happy july 5th.
and then they started calling me 'Shitshow Shandra', which apparently i took as a compliment.
BRILLIANT IDEA: In honor of summer olympics we need to start a synchronized drinking team.
I'm gonna eat you out with that hat on so it looks like beaker's doing it. And I'm gonna go "memememememe"
Dude you chased a girl around the yard and then fell over the curb. Face first. You got up on your own tho so you reached champion status
I literally have nothing else left to cut besides my drug budget; the dark days are among us
As planned I took it to the limit. Then we met a new limit. Now they are limit friends.
I told my therapist about the other night and he actually whistled and said "wow that is not good."
THERE IS A DOG IN THE CLUB. I repeat a dog in the club. I might have laid down and petted it..I have no shame.
Nothing like sitting at your midterm pissed at yourself because you put your graphing calculator batteries in your vibrator and forgot to put them back in before the exam 😑
So about that you can bill me for the chair but it was David's idea to jump from the window sill into the washer with "clothing pillows of cloudiness" to land on to get ahold of him you have to phone his mother
I just talked to her she really hates you like a lot
i have two papers due tomorrow. contemplating if i should take adderall in my anus for full effects
My fuck it list is complete! I finally got a firefighter!
I know he’s married, but he’s still a guy with balls and a dick. He noticed my cleavage and stared at my ass. He’ll call.
Randomize
