In a few years, 50 babies 50 states. Like it?
you threw up in thedumpster behind red robin
and kept yelling "DIRTY BIRD"
so I called to to smoke and you didn't pick up so I smoked and now I'm a race car
On the brightside though, I found the motivation to clean my shower, it was right underneath my need to masturbate in said shower.
Cocaine Wednesdays have to stop turning into no work Thursday
I'm not sending you pictures to jack off to. That's not what friends do
Just copped mushrooms from a dude in a business suit. U comin or what?
The last thing I remember was naked hot tub and taking a shot and using the hot tub water as a chaser. Not acceptable.
I just had the worst experience of my life, my grandma found my condoms.
You were discovered in a bush, smoking, and singing "in the jungle" to yourself. Which explains the scratches, but not the orange paint.
Is it bad that I'm using the photo I took for my fake ID as my linkedin profile pic?
You just accidentally called me. You kept saying "Really?! Really?!!" So I can only assume you are having sub par sex
My life has hit a new low, I just licked MDMA of someone's bed.
You're a problem for me, dick game too good. In the future when I'm with someone I actually wanna to date, now I'm gonna compare.
What do you mean you haven’t had the fantasy of getting anally penetrated by a tentacle monster?
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