I'm towing my little brother down the road on a sixty year old tractor, we're taking up the whole highway, and no one cares. I love South Dakota.
i just fingered the ice cream at home instead of getting a spoon
been there done that
He looked way older than 15. He probably thought that since I have braces I was 15. Fuck. The 6 year age gap is never to be spoken about. Especially because what happened constitutes as illegal.
he got up in front of the whole lecture hall and yelled that Charlie Brown's Christmas tree was his favorite book in the history of the universe. then he stumbled out the fire exit setting the alarm off. I could've jumped him right then and there.
we should drop off a car at the police station before going out tonight so we can drive home in the morning
i finally decided to cut him off after he he looked me dead in the eyes and said "how have i been inside you for the past twenty minutes when my pants are still on?"
Im chasing shots of tequila with chocolate milk right now. by myself. its nasty, but I've had worse in tjere the past couple days, so ill take it.
I legit had a 15 minute convo about dinosaurs with a guy at the bar last night cuz he was wearing a jurassic park shirt
Best part of Friday afternoon drinking? Having ping pong balls thrown into my cleavage.
On a scale of one to liver failure, how bad would it be if I played thunderstruck alone?
Your drunk naked friend is roaming the living room. Started roaming my room. Please come retrieve him
Wanna bang and Pregame work? I know you're the manager just promise to not fire me
Honestly after an incomprehensible political rant yoga seems like the best option at 2 am
Holding your hair back while you puked wasn't a choice. I was handcuffed to you.
Going to jail. Warrant. Be home late. For the love of god turn your ringer on.
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