Hey kate, how is it?
sloppy...it's emily. kate just tried to do a keg stand. they dropped her. we're leaving.
just saw a girl with a lower back tattoo of the boondock saints prayer.. i will marry her
neither the pictures you took nor my hangover explain why there are skittles in my shoe
The one from last night got me a whole floor of Eskimo Brothers. There was a celebration of high fiving as I left
...and the foreplay consisted of me threatening to cut off his hand if he didn't remove it from my back.
Cuz last time you told me I was going to be shocked about something you got a hand job from a stripper in canada
I want to die. Marc and I were making out in the hallway and fell into a fire hose in a glass case. It shattered everywhere. Everyone thought we fell out a window. I think I have glass in my back. Awesome.
she found out just an hour ago that she might have cervical cancer. either way we're watching 50/50 and taking a shot of patron anytime anyone says cancer.
I plan on being naked for at least 2/3 of the wedding.
Ill tap morse code on the ceiling when im ready for you to come down amd smoke
You are going to come home to a suitcase in the fridge. Just go with it.
You know what would make the espn body photos even better? If anyone knew who any of those fucking athletes were. That, and maybe not feature Gary Player.
i think my cat just said my name.
his mom fetish really needs to stop. this is literally the 5th time i've come home from work and there's been some random skank and her kids in the living room.
did one of the kids use their poo like a crayon on the wall this time?
Ugh... The hoe gods giveth and the hoe gods taketh away.
Randomize
