I do no wrong. I am always right. Right? I forget why I am sending this. It seemed relevant.
don't worry, i have a range rover and a brother hopped up on steroids.. we can solve this little misunderstanding quite easily.
Either I get my picture taken sitting on a fuckin pony, or I'm not coming.
I've never played a more sexually-tense game of Uno in my life.
I keep reminding myself that my vagina isn't a homeless shelter.
My hanfda are one with the u niverse and I am cirretnly inhaling a couch
It's that time of the week again where I begin to ponder life's great questions like, "What will my pathetic excuse for a future look like?" and "Why tacos?"
I think drinking everclear was a better idea than taking a night class.
I'm dipping store brand pepperoni pizza in bacon flavored ranch dressing. Obesity tastes so good.
Willing booties have sort of a tractor beam for me.
I'm glad you found someone that both loves you and is cool doing coke off your tits. Proud of you.
Does going to a local bar count as taking part in Small Business Saturday? Asking for a friend
Double-fisting ice cream and wine. Do not send help.
I was totes going to lose it to him last night, but I cried and we ate mexican food instead.
Not going to make it tonight. Some cougar at the bar just told me she has dibs on my dick.
Randomize
