i went to throw her on my bed and threw her straight in to my bike
I will never swim in a flooded basement again..
I'm bleeding from my lower lip, and I have bruises around my neck. It was just easier to say I got mugged.
The lady next to me at the airport just baggage checked a six pack. She is now my hero.
I feel like when purchasing hard liquor on a Monday I also need to buy a happy 21st bday card to not seem so pathetic
Remember that time I sent you a 5lb bag of gummie bears?
Like it was yesterday.
Apparently I had it on auto deliver. So whoever is at your apt is gonna gen an interesting delivery...
No offense, I mean I'm sure you rocked my world and all but I don't remember.
you did that thing you do when youre drunk where you rant about bruce springsteen, start hooking up with someone and then pass out midway through
God gave me a talent besides one night stands. I feel like I should use it
Just got tinder matched with my COMM TA. Game on.
Please call us Steph is okay but missing phone wallet tooth
Spotify knows me way to well. You mention swinger club and guess what it shuffles to? Danger Zone by Kenny Loggins
And then the night went full on bisexual.
You know shit got weird when you watched another guy shove drugs up your wife's ass and it wasn't awkward for any of us....
Of course that's what I'm wearing. I need to find a beard to mount and ride STAT.
Randomize
