My key broke off while I was turning the key. I can't pull the broken key out. Not only am i locked outside, so is the rest of the building.
she definitely has that "I'll bang you, but then I'll tell your girlfriend" look to her.
My professor just gave everyone in the class extra credit... except for the kid wearing the Cubs hat
I was just walking down the hall and passed a very pregnant girl wearing a shirt that said "blame it on the aaaaaa-alcohol." I can't decide if she's brilliantly witty or just pointing fingers.
Just wanted to remind you that you literally cut the underwear off a man.
Ok roommate is officially weird. Just watched her microwave the same broccoli 3 times in a row and cry b/c she fucked it up. Wtf lol
nothing worse than walking out of class after 3 hours and having covered exactly zero information
walking out with herpes. that would be worse
We were Chugging coronas for the soul purpose of launching limes out of the 3rd story window, I'd say it was a good weekend
You went through my pantry and left one of everything in the box. One cracker. One cheesit. One piece of cereal. I really fucking hate you.
he could've at least fucked me twice. that's just common courtesy.
So if her brother fucks my brother, can I just tell her that anal sex is in her genes?
Fun Fact: I do not remember what its like to be sober between drinking off and on for two weeks at my "vacation" and being on painkillers for my mouth now
Can I chase this vodka with an onion?
My morning started with my mom giving me the number for a substance abuse councellor. How's your day going?
not only was there glitter in the toilet after i peed, but there was some on the toilet paper after i wiped. this cant be healthy.
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