He fingered me while we both sang the fresh prince theme song.
Marry him
oh btw spread eagle is not an appropriate phrase to use in a scientific presentation. learned that the hard way
dude i just saw a drunk guy attempt to get by IUPD and throw a uprooted bleacher seat over the edge of the stadium. funniest thing of life.
details please.
they caught him 10 rows from the top. the first thing he said was "wait I can explain, i just have to throw this over first."
I'm going to but the new Playboy with Chelsea Handler on the cover. I'm pretty sure it's the only time buying a Playboy will make me gayer...
You were jumping on the trampoline and screaming that you couldn't feel the fire.
I'm actually not sure I need to run today, between the crazy monkey sex and breaking into my own house.
You know it's going to be a good night when you're barking by 8:20.
Didn't get carded at the bar. We're getting wasted and then walking over to Bass Pro Shops to watch the indoor ducks swim around. And possibly buying a tent.
did i just see you in the movie theater carrying a margarita into Frozen?
All the 6 year olds are jealous of my alcohol
I distinctly remember telling him "I'll suck your dick while you eat pizza"
Did body shots with a guy... Ended up being the ref of my volleyball game... So that's why we won
Also, if you don't fuck me soon, I will die. I don't want to die like that.
She dated an Australian guy or some dude with an accent. Normal guys don't stand a chance.
CHALLENGE ACCEPTED.
Um, just removed my insulin from the fridge so that I could fit our case in there. Tell me, who has their priorities straight? THIS GIRL.
I shit myself and fell down the stairs and I’m still finding shit In those pants.
Randomize
