So my teacher figured out I made a drinking game out of her lecture. Once my drink was gone she let us out. Happy St. Patricks day class. Your welcome
Missing a small section of hand. Hope your night is going better
they were having a wine tasting so i tasted every wine...then knocked over an entire display of gourmet olives and was asked to leave... but they still let me buy my 6 bottles of wine before escorting me out
Your place is a magnet for either righteous parties or crippling alcohol dependency. Lets find out which together
You're invited to our X-games themed party. We have an ice luge and every time someone eats shit we drink. It's gonna be great.
Had sex with the Irish bartender in Spain. So that happened.
So if her brother fucks my brother, can I just tell her that anal sex is in her genes?
Someone came in the potted fern
He said I taste like cake. Like funfetti. So I feel like if he doesn't come back for that he's just dumb
10 shots in she's sitting on the floor using the open dishwasher door as a plate to eat her "life giving" pizza.
It looked like Halloween in bed... BECAUSE HE BIT MY PUSSY AND I BLED ALL OVER THE FUCKING PLACE. THEN HE FELL AND BROKE HIS TOE. AND THEN PASSED OUT WHEN HE SAW ALL OF THE BLOOD.
I got arrested FOR running from the cops. In college Dad got arrested and THEN ran from the cops. So it could be worse.
I'm going to blow a ton of money on sex toys just so I can tell you to do better than them.
Dude. Don't do acid and go to Disney on ice. Hear my warnings. That snow monster will fuck your shit up.
My EX’s roommate heard about the breakup and offered to help me bang it out. I think she hates her even more than I do.
Randomize
