you fell asleep spooning with his golden retriever. im not sure if thats more degrading for you or the dog
Don't blame the cocaine for your eating disorder.
I couldnt give him head when all I could hear was his little brother playing the piano and this family singing along to it.
If you're that baked in a class full of people that know you're that baked you tend to offer up a peace offering. Its like the burrito of trust! If eaten you are now obligated to help maintain my grades and keep me from falling out of my chair. $3.75 a morning is worth it for that mafia type protection!
It has become abundantly clear why you give me pixie stix when you're drunk now...
All i'm saying is it doesn't matter how drunk you were, at 26 years of age you should always remember to take down you pants before you shit in the toilet
I feel violated by Miley Cirrus's performance in the VMA's.
She started giving me head while we were watching the Walking Dead premiere, WORST BJ EVER.
I mean, the night I fell out of that bus I made you pour vodka onto my wound to clean it, then duct taped a paper towel to my hand and kept drinking.
we told you you couldn't get your dick sucked because you were a girl and you yelled at us and said we were 'discriminating you'
On your day off do you wanna get wine drunk and take a few episodes of Jerry Springer way too seriously with me?
Elliott peed on my floor and slept in it lol that's a one line description.
You have got to be the only man who has passed out while getting a lap dance.
Sometimes I wish I could tell all my past/present hookups what the nicknames that my friends and I have assigned them.
the funny thing was, all i remember was a liter of vodka and going to oneonta for the night. then 2 weeks later bam, i get a letter banning me from campus for the next 4 years. awesome convorsation with my dad to wake up to.
You have a full penis tattoo of a cobra fighting a mongoose, don't you?
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