He looks like Spencer from the game Dreamphone
please dont let the old guy in the wheelchair see you when you wake up
Did you pour a hundred fucking pounds of sand in my car last night?
lol... you weighed it?
You kept whispering "Party Dave" every time someone would start talking.
Throwing up out both ends. This is not how I pictured adulthood.
I don't know how that blunt survived being in your pocket all night but you pulled it out at 4 am in 7/11 and tried to fire it up. Zero fucks given
I'm fine with our borderline lesbian behavior.
They left around 10:00 this morning. I've been naked since 10:01.
My mom wants to name our new dog the same name as my fuck buddy. This will be weird
I'm not in it for just the sex. If I wanted mediocre dick once a week I would have stayed with one of my exes.
I told her I'd rather set my hair on fire than sleep with her again. In retrospect, that was probably too harsh. My eye is still swollen shut.
I've scurried myself in your trunk come find me in the morning
You want further proof that God hates me? Okay. We're on the way to the ER. A homeless man stabbed me at the gas station.
the sex is SO much better when he thinks im going insane
Imagine we only get one cock for the rest of your life. I’d pick his dick. That good!
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