Wow, t9 really hates the phrase "slap her in her sanctimonious pie-hole."
Just kissed her with a dip in my mouth... She was either too drunk to notice or too cool to care
I have all these new brothers and sisters I'm just now finding out about
He passed out on the patio with nothing on but his boxers. So we put our beer caps on him. Yeah he woke up with a polka dot sunburn.
The doctor said 'youre the 2nd youngest person that ive seen with this condition. Thats probably not the silver medal you were looking for today.'
his mom gave me my lost underwear folded up along with the rest of my christmas present. tell me this cannot be happening.
I just found a 2 minute video on my phone of you throwing up in a fake plant.
that's all we do, eat and hve sex, eat and have sex. he thinks it's bad and that we need to talk more or whatever but I'm just not seeing the problem...
Girl please we both know I eat his bullshit up like its candy sprinkled with crack
Life is my bitch right now. The bouncers tried to carry me out of the club, but everyone thought I was crowd surfing so everyone carried me BACK IN. Winning as fuck.
You can not love someone based on who they were when they were 9. Does he know how many dicks I've sucked since then?
I literally just skipped to the fridge when I realized we had enough vodka left to get day drunk
I told him to take the baby so I could work out. My workout consisted of getting high and masturbating
I'm pretty sure my calc professer is on coke. He's just too excited for this to be an 8am class.
He’s basically a sexual superhero. A mild mannered marketing intern by day, but a very horny 22 year old with pornstar stamina at nights!
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