Grow some girl-balls and come out already
Worst part was I had to fart super bad and didn't want to ruin the room so I farted in a pillow and threw it under the bed.
my mom just asked me, concerned, if I swallowed.
After the tests come back negative, you guys will look back on this evening with fond memories...
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You're so wise. You're like my sexual Grandmother Willow.
Dude, its flawless. what could go wrong?
Jail. That could go wrong.
We officially wrote our house rules 1. We do not waste alcohol 2. Pinky promises mean something 3. Don't leave your facebook open, and if you do, don't complain 4. Never refuse cuddle or catch phrase
I told him to just roll me a blunt and put it in a heart shaped box.
You were so high that you only FaceTimed me so that you could stare into your own eyes and not actually say anything
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When you put the phrases "just out of shower" and "did you get the picture" that close together, a picture of hamburger helper is not exactly what I expected to pop up.
You were drinking whiskey from a beer bottle i dont know what you really expected...
Kids parked next to me are getting it on. I'm eating chicken nuggets listening to Kanye alone. Happy Valentine's Day.
Is it tacky to frame a negative pregnancy test?
He made me chicken tenders and margaritas in preparation for me to take a pregnancy test at his place later tonight. Like...seriously.
Woo is fucking right, dude. Vodka night tonight. Honestly, every night pretty much seeems like vodka night lately. My liver wants to move out of my body like I gave it an eviction notice.
Randomize