you started puking right when a nickelback song came on..it was epic
It'd be like medium rare by now.
I love how we're talking about your vagina like it's a piece of meat.
I woke up with my keys safelty pinned to my thong. It's gonna be a great day.
I just told you I can't. My fingers are melting. I have discovered the high.
hey you forgot your wet suit in my room you can come grab it whenever
You know summer is almost over when ur school booty calls start hitting u up as if solidifying their spot in drunken mistakes for next semester
I wish you'd make everyone's lives easier and do him already. Then we can get rid of him.
I really appreciate you zipping up my pants at the bar. You didn't even ruin my Bermuda triangle.
Malibu has added tequila to its rum. It's like when two beautiful gaybies come together an spawn a unicorn that only cries jellybean tears.
He's tweaking out . If he's on fucking bathsalts and eats my face like a chalupa pull the plug. I don't want to live with no fucking face. Pull. The. Plug.
I just explained my sex life to the "if you give a moose a muffin" book... Is that weird?
The owner was showing me around and pointed at one of the bars and said "this is the one you're allowed to dance on. I could tell you wanted to ask." DREAM JOB.
MY GOD DAMN TV STOPS WORKING EVERY TIME I AM THIS FUCKING HIGH. WHY MUST IT TORMENT ME?!
It's scary that my vibrator is a dangerous weapon. I want a new one.
You’ll lick BBQ off my cock but no ketchup on a hotdog?
Randomize
