oh right, i forgot that not everyone has a go-to blowjob
Balcony sex scratched the shit out of my phone. Whups.
I HAVE FLAVORED BLOW. THIS SHOULD NOT EXISIT.
Pretty sure I just became the first person ever to use the word "boner" in a wedding card...
First coke bust down the road. Spring is finally here.
You passed out in my bathroom last night. I put a towel over your face so I could shit without it being gay
We had 15 min before last call. Exact quote "let's see how drunk we can get."
i feel like i should invite him over so he can cockblock my roommate one last time before he graduates. for old times sake, ya know
We put your drunk ass to bed. 10 minutes later we heard you scream "DICK-PUNCH!!!" It was immediately followed by a shriek of pain and crying. So to answer your question; no, that's not "sex soreness".
It gives me purpose in life to help fulfill nerdy fantasies. Like I'm doing something good for mankind and having multiple orgasms in the process.
He would come to class in wrapped in nothing but a pink towel
He said something last night about making crepes, but after getting pissed on in bed, I question everything.
I used the phrase "love child of quasimodo and cyclops " in a sentence today.
It's 2017. Get with the program. Also remind me never to get margaritas with you ever on Cinco de Mayo.
This date is awful. He’s too boring to bang
Is porn accurate? Can I order a pizza and do the delivery boy?
Randomize
