So how Liz Lemon is this? I bring a boy home, we get in bed, and I realize there's a lean pocket wrapper in the sheets.
I looked him in the face and asked if we could stop. he asked why. I said "I can't feel it.". ...I feel bad; I should have faked.
my mom just texted me to let me know that Hooters is hiring
i wish my mom had big dreams like that for me
this islike a room full of reasons why i should be in prison
Let's just say that watching the sunrise in a space helmet is really the only way to do it.
Im covered in vodka and melted gummys. Fuck summer.
The cops knocked on our door just to ask us if we were really having a no-pants party.
I wish my brain had a "congrats you just defeated the munchies" notification!
Yesterday I dumped him, went out for my birthday, hooked up with someone else, and today he still fed my cat. Living with your ex ain't so bad . . .
Want to FaceTime and watch me finish this bagel?
Holy fuck where did this cat tattoo on my ass come from
Sorry for peeing on you and your bed last night.
Who died my cat blue again?
He literally had a Trump sign in his front yard. I just can't now.
Hi. I have frying pans taped to my feet. I achave to go the hospital, theyre on pretty tight. Can't feel legs bring me juice
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