The only reason why I invited him to my party was because he is suicidal.
i am already firmly committed to doing irish carbombs w/ 12 different people, and the st pattys day party doesnt start for another 24 hours. i may die
I hurt. I blacked out in a onesie. Reevaluation needs to happen.
It was the worst sex ever. All she did was tap on my balls with her hands like she was in a reggae band.
im trying to stop thinking of him and his amazing dick. every time i do i snap myself with a rubber band. classical conditioning at its finest...and you said i wouldnt learn anything from psychology.
I'm sorry I make you whore yourself out to him everytime I'm drunk and want mcdonalds.
My chest hair is, as we speak, arching upward to embrace my neck beard. The union will be a storied one.
Would it be weird to tell him that on his b'day he's dressing up and we're having weird Jesus sex?
She told me she ate a whole pizza today, and I just wanted to hug her forever.
ok now I feel liek a very drunk human instead of a chaos being thanks water
Well, I just bought plan b with the tips I made from the job that I slept with my manager. So yeah, that's my life. How's yours?
Hey by the way did you notice my third nipple in my snapchat
I just got his Save the Dave and, to answer your next question, NO I AM NOT GOING TO THE WEDDING OF THE GUY WHO GOT DRUNK AND CAME ON MY CHEST.
He broke his arm in a fistfight with the bouncer. it was neat.
Went to my bottom drawer for my stash , gone just a note says thanks sucker love dad
Randomize
