Only your vagina holds the key to what happened last night.
All I heard was "I swear it'll be funny" and then we were in jail.
I want him to be my next love. So I'm taking it slow
As in ill only blow him next week
I know you claim to have a large penis but I do not believe in what i cannot see. Sort of like god.
Just stop talking to douche bags. How do you manage to attract every asshole within a 100 mile radius?
If i could answer that i wouldn't be so afraid to move to a more populated area
I hate him. I fucked every one of his friends AND his fat brother and he still won't break up with me.
So hungover im counting my own breaths to make sure im not dead. The odds hurt.
He has a bed frame and a headboard.... That match his dresser and nightstand...
Hahah. That's good.
I feel like you don't understand the severity with which this weirds me out...
I literally farted midsex as a siren for him to get the fuck off me.. No such luck.
Yo this huge scar on my head from the car accident is truly a vag magnet. Probably because I'm telling people I was attacked by a mountain lion and killed it with my bare hands. But hey when life gives you lemons, you use them to get pussy
Seriously, though. As long as it's attached to you and is not a vagina, I will not be disappointed.
The awkward moment your booty call shows up to the Mexican restaurant and realizes you just picked burritos over pussy
Rolled over in bed this morning and found Nutella and wet naps. Why can't it ever be a fire fighter, or Jude Law.
he was like tryna hang and chat and I was like dude there's an iguana in this room
What the hell did you do last night?
I embarrassed myself, my family, name, and possibly my country.
Randomize
