it felt great physically, but AWFUL morally.
He just helps fat girls get exercise. One walk of shame at a time.
She told me I should be a condom model.
Blew a line and having a jolly rancher... the day is looking up.
she shotgunned a can of v8, threw the can on the ground and said, "fuck bitches get money" then passed out on the spot
tried to chug a glass full of ice cubes. went better then expected.
Hey can you text me Heidi's phone number. I just stapled her mattress to the wall and I want to send her a picture of it.
My underwear are in the stairs so apparently I did take the dog out.
I don't care how hot she is, her cat has pissed on me twice.
As a plus, I've lost 5 pounds in two days, so "party all weekend" is officially a valid diet plan.
I think I died and satan has brought me back to life and I'm paying for my sins with this hangover
I'm sexting with a 20 year old that has a foot fetish... This is what Sailor Jerry drives me to do.
I feel worse lying to the guy I hooked up with than I actually do for cheating on my bf
Nothin ruins a fine afternoon like shitting ur pants
I vaguely remember ordering a water at some point last night. It's good to know drunk me can still be responsible.
Randomize
