Um, I don't know who U MEANT to send that to, but yes I WAS going to fuck you. Instead you can go play Halo with ur friends.
Im so sleepy and hes snoring super loud! i just wanna suffocate him, sleep, and deal with the body when I wake up
i freaking love being in a circle of guys. if i fart none of them suspect me.
This is so stupid. Now I have to call the party planner and tell her that the break up party is off. They decided to get back together.
He's throwing up in my bed and I'm not even getting fucked for this
We started a mustache riot at white castle at 4 in the morning. Will explain in detail.
Ok, Jen and I are going out tonight and getting rowdy. I think you and Steph need to come. I understand if you can't, but not going out means you're automatically obligated to post bail. If necessary.
Can you explain the plethora of sunflower seeds in the dryer?
Just got escorted to my 7:45 class by an old woman because I was too hungover to not realize I was four floors too high.
In case you're wondering where my head is at right now, it's wishing that I was getting laid and not having a debate about cheese.
My vagina feels like it's been kissed by angels.
He asked if I could ever take him seriously, I told him I just like his doggy style.....needless to say I snuck out after an awkward cuddle session... I wont be calling him at 2 am anymore.
It's all fun and games until you rupture a testicle
He's a drill sergeant! The sadomasochist in me can't resist that.
Blacking out in the security line at the airport is not nearly as fun as blacking out in the lunch line at the dining hall.
Randomize
