your all-time low pick up line was when you asked a girl "Are you rock-staring at me?"
He told me he was ok to drive home. Then I found him face-planted in the parking lot.
How did currency from Costa Rica make it's way into my wallet...?
I ended up in a shower with 9 people and a bunch of unopened beer last night. I think I got peed on. Hands were everywhere. We sold the peed on beer to people knocking on the hotel room door.
Wow, now I'm sad I didn't go.
just woke up under a car ? That's odd
Holy fucking shit
WAIT BUT IM WEARING A BACKPACK THAT MAGICALLY HAS 30 BEERS IN IT
Watching elf, eating a tub of ice cream, and coming to terms with the fact that I haven't had sex in 5 months. Happy fucking holidays.
That's how you know it was a good night if two months later you finally realized your skirt never made it home and you found out where it was.
There's scrapes on the inside of both my thighs.. Because we wanted to get drunk and climb trees naked.
We walked in and someone handed her an unopened bottle of jack with her name on it. She's like a drunken celebrity.
Some male strippers are here, I threw pancakes at them. It's ok
I love the smell of your bedroom. It smells of a mixture of cherries, leather, and unrequited homosexual desire.
I'm eating year old chocolate from the trash can. It was in a ziploc bag but still, this is a new low. Help me.
He was licking my ear while recommending that I shop at IKEA. I think he's my perfect guy.
Somewhere on my work laptop I have a map visualizing all the area codes that Ludacris has ho's
I hope that wasn't done on billed time
I can guarantee that it was
Saw throw up in the parking lot at work, glad I'm not the only one. But now the search begins.
Mary's wearing shades at her desk, brilliant!
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