Sometimes I wonder if my friend studies mystic Christian theology because he's afraid to come out of the closet. Evidently, it's okay to talk about God coming inside you, but not to say the same about dudes.
hey, we don't wanna leave the house because we're watching fireworks on tv. this is america.
the general consensus of people in the room is that i should have another bottle of wine.
"people in the room" being me.
In the middle of fucking me, she said "Hold on, I need my Hulk hands."
while i was sleeping he changed my screen saver to his dick with a heart frame around it. I just might be falling in love.
I'm currently making some changes in my life. If you don't hear from me anymore, then you're probably one of them. Or I'm dead.
he ate me out like he was chugging a beer.
there's no way I could forget finding someone else's hand in my pants
Who knows? Maybe we can sing afternoon delight into each other's genitals.
I had very briefly met him a few years ago. My friend was tired of hearing us both complain about being horny. She figured she would fuck two birds with one stone.
I have meat and whiskey. will you bring condoms?
It's 7:30pm and we've already lost someone and had to run from the cops. What the fuck did you put in the punch?
I just swiped right for a guy on Tinder solely because it looked like he was holding Zoboomafoo
The cat likes watching me spank Michael. I don’t know how to feel about this.
dude I fucking saw you snort tequila
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