I want the hot one, scratch that. anyone.
Please stop trying to convince people that you're retarded and I suck your dick in the same conversation.
Is it wrong that im more embaressed about the karoke than the toplessness?
He said finals are more important than getting stoned on 4/20. I'm proud in a disappointing kinda way
while cleaning my room, i've found many wonderful things. one of these is the card you gave me for my eighteenth birthday. it's a christmas card that says "i want to stick it in your sponger"
Blood drive hookups: you will probably faint during the sex, but at least you know neither of you has AIDS
You totally drew a penis wizard on my closet that says "I travel for cock rock"
Walked in on my boss having phone sex at work... and somehow this didnt bother nor embaress him
hey, you wanna get together over coffee or something?
is this code for 'i just got broke up with and i need a sympathy dicking'?
how did you know?
This is the third time that ive slept with him. He bought me more milk. I can feel the romance growing.
I'd feel bad about being drunk at the Christmas service, except for the fact that I've already had sex in this church, so this is just small change.
Send me another check for the tickets. I scratched out "anal wax" and now the bank won't take it.
I will find, mount, and marry that person.
I don’t know if I’m nauseous or just disgusted with myself.
I made the antidote to the nasty cognac. I AM THE GOD OF MIXED DRINKS.
Randomize
