I'm so bored and have no one to sexy text
But I'm halfway naked in a seductive pose! I just want to get this right...
so i told my doctor my symptons and she just shook her head at me
Fat chicks shouldn't bartend
She has a concussion we think. Dancing to barbie girl.
I'm wearing the bright blue sombrero all through the airport as a sign of triumph that I survived spring break. I'm getting compliments
A beer fell out of the case, hit the ground and started spraying. He's a pro. He grabbed it and shotgunned it while still holding the case.
Thanks to her sunglasses tan, I can't look at her when she blows me cause it's like getting blown by a raccoon. A very talented raccoon
you closed your eyes and pointed to a cupboard..there was vodka on the top shelf. your sixth sense is amazing. plus, we convinced the foreign kid you're a booze whisperer
Wait do we still get bagels if no one got laid
I know it doesn't seem right, but sometimes, bagels are just flat out called for.
I'm watching Russian dudes pole-dance. For research.
I'm filtering his penis picture so I can see it better
And at the semi-adult age of 25 I have shit my pants. Not even drunk, just really late to work. Is this real life?
ill give you some hints: blood, carnival, fog machine, happy meal.
He fucked me so hard my hair extensions fell out
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