No matter how drunk I am, I will take the time to wipe a pube off the toilet seat.
Well i then put my mattress in my closet and am currently on it. This is a new one.
just mention it in a side comment sometime today... like oh by the way i have a daughter but um yeah my day was good
I told him I'd rather have sex with his father last night. I'll admit now that I was drunk.
i don't know at this point bringing the fog horn might be a good idea...
I've been smelling a baby wipe for three minutes. I didn't think I was that drunk but I guess I am
Walked back to my room from the bus last night and all I see is 3 of my friends on the porch chugging whiskey and then throwing up in unison
Remember that mom/daughter stripper team? Well i just met the ex husband/father in AA. WOW!!!! WOW....
Hahah. They reconnected again?
Like with his penis I guess
I'm pretty sure male strippers are the last things I need in my life right now.
I have never paid for drugs and I'm sure not going to start today especially on a holiday
Yeah, we agreed, but I feel like I need at least one more ride on the bonecoaster
FUCK IM ABOUT TO GET A DICK PIC IN THE LIBRARY
I was doing good, then they gave me free shots
i'm extremely hungover on the ski bus and the driver is playing abba. this. is. not. okay.
Randomize
