You're the unicorn of the gay community. Unbelievable and unattainable.
I can see my step sister's thong. Don't know if I should let myself be turned on or not
he just kept going up to random asian girls and yelling at them for breaking up the beatles
i just heard one Asian kid say to another, "i bet if i could get into Harvard i could get laid all the time, my brother lost his virginity the first night there."
i gave her a can of corn and told her the cabs are accepting non perishable food items over the holidays. blatant lie and she lives like $40 away
I'm at a winery and there's a 50 yr old woman sitting at a table alone with a bottle of wine and the only time I've seen her get up is to harass the hot dog guy
Do I really need this much space in my mouth?
Are you already high?
When the nurse referred to my vag as "your downstairs", I knew I found the perfect Doctors office.
I had a dream I gave a blow job to a guy whose dick forked off into two. I'm going to spend the rest of my life confused.
There should be a Doritos delivery van or something.
I maxed out my credit card last night on powdered donuts and beef jerky
Your shirt... Was in my pants
Don't make me do math I'm drunk and full of chicken
Happy 4 year arrest-aversary! I promise no thanksgiving has been as eventful as that one haha..
CyberMonday=Bulk Condom Shopping For 2018
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