super hot butfun
Oops. What a difference a comma and a space make.
We just followed a woman home because she looked like Jeff Goldblum. Turns out she lives in a trailer park.
They're giving me a hotel, and this chick doesn't have a place to stay for the night... I swear this is how real life Porno starts.
Thanks for stealing lime trees for me at 4:00 am. We're well on our way to having sustainable supplies for mojitos this summer.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You were petting your shoe and saying this makes me really happy
His penis is literally smaller than my cell phone. I can't go out like that.
The beer-amid has reached five feet. Caitlyn has a taser. GTG
I am trying to think of a way to tell him about thanksgiving and the following weekend in a way that makes me sound funny and exciting and not like an alcoholic
Bright side: maybe hell start being nice to you now that you know he has erectile dysfunction.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
That's the ultimate walk-of-shame: running away from your own apartment and hiding in a McDonald's.
Oh dude I know. When something that's supposed stop pregnancies taste like chocolate something's up
seriously the second he called my tits warlocks was the second I knew I wasn't going to fuck him.
He tried to introduce me to one of his friends that kept looking at me and I said "OH NO! I can't do this shit anymore!!" It was like I had a vision of what drunk me would've done in about 20 minutes.
Found your bra in my backseat. And yes it took me that long to finally clean it out from last weekend
Didn't even know it was missing, if that makes you feel any better
All she said was "Do me by Friday."
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