Don't go all Obama on me. George Bush this decision and just do it. Thinking's for the morning after
dude i just saw a topless girl trying to get into her locked car. im moving here
i carry sandwiches in my pockets more than any normal person should
i licked icing off his dick. in front of his sister.
somehow a sneeze triggered me puking over everyone in the car
I am still STD free so as far as I am concerned I never went to panama.
Because it was 5am and I had a shitty mixed drink and I was threatening to put my balls in your face.
Not the worst first impression I've experienced.
walk of shame. I'm wearing my rain jacket over my dragon costume. My tail keeps dragging in the rain.
your life is going to be an empowering working mom montage tomorrow to Katy P's ROAR... --are you living in a yoplaít comercial?
we had a "who's sex playlist is better?" fight.....
I AHVE A WINE BUCKETTTTTTT
Just got hit on via LinkedIn..do I capitalize on this opportunity/land a job or reply something sassy
what happened last night?
we watched you eat an entire bag of dorritos in the pouring rain... you refused to come inside
Love that I’m sending my uber driver a thank you message for taking me home via mcdonalds tonight before I’m messaging my date from tonight! Lol
I just volunteered myself to get tazed this should get interesting
Randomize
