when I'm not with you everything just looks like crayon scribble
I'm in a room alone pouting because I got the wrong nachos at taco bell.
Come to wood. Julia is putting pants on. We must stop her.
I'm not even planning on drinking that much tonight.. but I'm writing "emergency contact number" and your number on my hand just in case
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Call me when you wake up. I wanna start drinking but I'm giving up hope on my life if I drink alone before 10 am
Well after last night I am convinced he is real life Tyler Durden. He only exists to me and somehow keeps me out of jail this entire time
You called a girl at 4:30am to tell her "your pussy is my top priority" while simultaneously Urban Spooning late night cafes.
If you take a post shower shit just get back in bed. You're better off starting your whole morning all over again.
Im hitting on this chick at a stoplight when all the sudden. i notice this chick blowing some dude in the backseat.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
just wanted to eat pizza off his dick so he let me and he can never forget it
Sorry I yelled at you and called you Amish and puked on your eggs
.......he just venmo charged me for the burrito I was eating while he broke up with me
sometimes i just have a bad day n consider lowering my standards
I've been on the cocaine and semen diet for the last 24 hours, lunch sounds great.
Ugh. All the good hoes are in their third trimester.
Randomize